Because That's How He Loves
by Mako-clb
Summary: Just a little introspection on how love takes different forms and how the Saiyuki boys express it in different ways.
1. Cho Hakkai

Author's Note: This is a bit experimental on my part, though it might not look it. Right now, my intent is to have one chapter for each of the boys.

 _ **Because That's How He Loves**_

 **Cho Hakkai**

He was once Cho Gonou, and as Gonou he loved powerfully and deeply. For Gonou, there were no distinctions or degrees of love. He could only love with everything he was, by giving all of himself unconditionally and forever, and by doing everything in his power to bring happiness to the one he loved.

But, Gonou was only a man, a human man, and he could not imagine loving more than one person in a lifetime with such intensity, so he saved all of that devotion, that passion for Kanan. And, Gouou had loved her—loved cooking her favorite meals, listening to her laugh, and talking with her into the night. He had loved using those hands of his that she adored so much to touch her bare skin until she trembled with pleasure. Everything he had and every moment of happiness in Gonou's life had been about loving Kanan and only Kanan.

When she was taken from him, he had descended to the gates of Hell, willing to sacrifice anything, his life and soul, the lives of anyone who got in his way, because that was how Cho Gonou loved. But, Cho Gonou died that night Kanan had taken her own life rather than continue living with her pain to love him. Gonou had always assumed that Kanan had loved him exactly as he had loved her. He had been wrong, and it had killed him.

He was now Cho Hakkai, and he still loved powerfully and deeply, but he had also learned that love could take many forms with many degrees of intensity. Kanan had begun the lesson, and his friends had made sure he learned it well. Now he loved not one but four, and now he loved in different ways. He couldn't explain or even understand all of the nuances, but he could say with certainty that he loved Sanzo and Goku and that it was different from the love he felt for his faithful pet, Hakuryu. And, that was different from the love he felt for Gojyo.

His love for Gojyo was closest to the love Gonou felt for Kanan. It was a love that made Hakkai want to make Gojyo comfortable, happy, and safe. He wanted to protect Gojyo's generous heart and heal the wounds to his soul.

And, there were moments when what he felt for Gojyo made him want to run his fingers through that beautiful scarlet hair and touch that tan skin until he learned what made Gojyo shiver in pleasure because even though Cho Hakkai was a different man from Cho Gonou, some things hadn't changed at all. Sex was a cherished act that he could only share with the one he loved above all others. Gojyo didn't feel the same, not about him and not about sex. Hakkai knew Gojyo cared, loved perhaps as strongly as Hakkai himself, but in a very different way. Hakkai accepted that and knew it would never change the way he felt about Gojyo. For as long as the two of them lived, Hakkai would love Gojyo and do everything possible to protect him.

He was Cho Hakkai, and that was just the way he loved.


	2. Son Goku

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to the awesome Minekura-sensei. I'm just borrowing the boys for awhile.

 _ **Because That**_ _ **'**_ _ **s How He Loves**_

 **Son Goku**

His name is Son Goku, and since he began this journey west over a year ago, he has learned a lot about love. Not that he didn't know love before that. He'd known love from the moment Sanzo had reached out a hand and taken him from that prison. Goku had called out with his heart, and Sanzo heard and answered. No matter what Sanzo said or did after that, Goku knew, had absolute proof, that Sanzo loved him. Goku had been confused at first because he had some vague, half-remembered idea about what he thought people acted like with the ones they loved. Sanzo didn't act like that, but Goku just knew Sanzo loved him. Goku had come to learn that Sanzo's love was hidden and controlled, just like everything about him. But, it was also strong, stronger than anyone could guess just by looking at him, just like Sanzo himself.

From Hakkai, Goku learned that love could be so intense it was scary. He knew Hakkai loved him, loved them all. It was in the way Hakkai patiently explained things to Goku, calmed down Sanzo, or was jut there for Gojyo. And, Goku could see Hakkai's love in the way the man smiled those real smiles sometimes or the concern on Hakkai's face as he healed one of their wounds. But, when one of them was really hurt or in serious danger, that was when Goku saw in Hakkai's eyes that thing that was love but was also scary.

For Gojyo, love was loud and rowdy and cheerful. Well, sometimes it was pervy, which Goku didn't get, but the rest he did. That was how Goku showed love, too. Maybe it was rude to run all over and talk real loud, but that got Sanzo's attention so he stopped thinking about things that made him sad. Pretend annoyed, or even real annoyed, was better than sad. And, it was good to remind Hakkai that there were lots of reasons to be happy and excited for real. Most of the time, Goku and Gojyo could just be happy together. And, that was its own special kind of love.

He was Son Goku, and he loved life—the good and the bad. He loved his friends, and he knew without any doubts that they loved him. And, Goku also knew that the love they felt for each other, despite how different that love was for each of them, and in fact because of it, would last forever because that's just how love is.


	3. Genjyo Sanzo

Disclaimer: The boys belong to Minekura-sensei. I'm just taking them out for a spin.

 _ **Because That's How He Loves**_

 **Genjyo Sanzo**

They think he doesn't know love, doesn't understand it. They are wrong.

The monks think he has reached enlightenment, that the only love he feels is the peaceful love that one should feel for all life, that signifies a lack of attachment to one and a respect for all. What a bunch of bull. Since when has Sanzo ever shown respect or concern for idiots, especially those he's never met.

Goku believes that Sanzo loves him because Sanzo heard him call and freed him from the mountain prison. Only a simpleton would believe that tracking down an annoyance amounted to love.

Gojyo thinks that on the slim chance that Sanzo is even capable of love, it's some strange, warped love. To Gojyo, love is touch—a friend's hand resting on a shoulder, a friendly wrestling match that leads to laughter, the feel of a woman's body pressed against bare flesh. But, Sanzo hates touch, avoids it whenever he can, and offers it rarely and hesitantly.

Of everyone Sanzo knows, Hakkai perhaps understands love best. Hakkai knows that love is pain and loss. Sanzo understands why Hakkai clawed out his own eye, how he could withstand the physical pain it caused. That's because Hakkai had already experienced the worst pain imaginable, the sight of the person you love most in the world bleeding, dying right before your eyes as you are helpless to stop it, helpless to keep that person with you. Sanzo knows that pain. Sanzo understands that pain.

Sanzo has known love longer and better than any of them. His earliest memories, back when he was still Kouryu, are of being loved by his father. Kouryu may have called him master, but deep down, Koumyou Sanzo was always father. They sat together in the fresh air, the comforting smell of pipe tobacco surrounding them, as Koumyou taught him the true meaning of enlightenment. Sometimes, Koumyou would recount the tale of hearing a voice in his mind and following that voice to the river where he found a baby. And, Koumyou would say he knew he was meant to rescue that baby, otherwise he would never have heard the child calling him. Whether it be a lesson on Buddism or the story of the child in the river's flow, Koumyou would often end the evening by ruffling Kouryu's hair.

Then, on the night when Koumyou bestowed on Kouryu yet more gifts, beyond those of the love and kindness he had already bestowed, the newly named Genjyo Sanzo watched as his mentor and father used his own body to shield his protege, watched as the man he loved and respected above all others was cut down and the sutra that belonged to Koumyou and had been bequeathed to him was stolen. As the blood flowed out of Koumyou's body and the breath left his lungs, Genjyo Sanzo felt his heart break into tiny pieces and a pain like he had never known before wrack his body and mind. Genjyo Sanzo decided in that moment that he would never love anyone again, never care at all about another living being, so he would never have to feel that pain again.

So it did not matter that Sanzo was forced to travel with Hakkai, Goku, and Gojyo. It did not matter that they shared a common goal or that he had saved each of their lives many times over. Sanzo did not love them, didn't even like them. But, Sanzo did know love, and that was why he would never love again.


End file.
